Weekday Email to Members and Friends – 2020-06-11
Thursday June 11th 2020
A daily e-mailer from
Matt Matthews
To Members and Friends of
First Presbyterian Church
Champaign, Illinois
Dear Friends,
Do you ever want to talk about a tough topic with somebody, but you’re afraid to bring up something controversial? You want to talk about the Cubs with your friend who is sold on the Cardinals? You want to root for Purdue in a sea of Illinois orange? You want to talk about race with your ‘traditional’ cousin. You’re afraid things might get heated? You might lose your cool?
It helps to have a sense of humor. Mark Twain said: “In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.” (That’s funny.)
Use “I” statements: I wonder, I feel, I believe. Avoid “you” statements: You can’t know. You think. Never say “always.” Never say “never.” When somebody is talking to you, don’t think about your response when you should simply be listening. Reflect back what you’ve heard. Smile, if you can. Be genuinely curious.
It helps to keep other important things in mind. Here’s a list of commonsensical pointers. A longer list at the very end of this email fills this one out. (Thanks Bob Kirby.)
A Guide to Engaging in Respectful Conversations about Differences
1 . Begin Prayerfully
2 . Carefully Choose With Whom to Engage and When
3 . Don’t Try to “Win”
4 . Listen with Empathy
5 . Ask Questions with Kindness
6 . Emphasize Commonalities
7 . Share Your Own Story and Experience
8 . Go Back to the Bible
Adapted from Evangelical Immigration Table. www.
NEWS:
I’m really glad some of you joined us on our Wednesday night zoom last night. Thank you.
* * *
The Session’s Covid-19 Response Team meets weekly, on Fridays. Pray for us. These are notes from our last week:
For the time being, face to face meetings in the church are not allowed, but in cases in which they are deeded “necessary” these cases must be approved on a case by case basis by the head of staff or Covid-19 Response Team. (CYF VBS prep, for example).
* * *
As a church we are moving slowly on this face-to-face meeting front because we care so deeply about our flock. It is a theological issue of stewardship. As stewards of creation, we recognize that keeping our flock free from situations where Covid-19 could be spread is a sacred goal. The body is a temple of God.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body.
* * *
For the time being, the office is not open to face-to-face meetings. However, the phone is always “on” during office house so please call if you have questions. Staff are encouraged to work from home where and when possible. Office hours are 8:30 to 5:00 Monday—Thursday, 8:30 to noon on Fridays.
* * *
People are not to be buzzed into building unless they are wearing masks. “Wear it, don’t share it” signs are to be posted at all times on exterior doors.
* * *
People are to sign in at table by the doors of either the Education or Sanctuary buildings. On those tables will be (1) sign in sheet with pen, (2) bottle of sanitizer, (3) thermometer*, and (4) instructions.
* * *
Matt is moving into period of face to face pastoral visitation. Physical distancing, outdoors as possible, wearing of mask, practicing good hygiene will be the norm. Counseling in my office is allowed by appointment with him. Ritchie will be informed of meetings so he / his staff can spray afterwards. If you need to talk, and Zoom isn’t cutting it, please give Matt a call.
* * *
Tim Young will need to authorize and have installed a plexiglass shield for Patty and possibly a plexiglass covering for Marcia’s door. We defer to Tim and Building and Grounds to get that in place asap. (Ritchie can advise.)
Good Word:
Hebrews 13:1-2
1 Let brotherly love continue. 2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares . . .
Let us pray: (Another prayer by Ted Loder.)
O Holy One,
I hear and say so many words,
yet yours is the word I need.
Speak now,
and help me listen;
and if what I hear is silence,
let it quiet me,
let it disturb me,
let it touch my need,
let if break my pride,
let it shrink my certainties,
let it enlarge my wonder.
PEACE,
Matt Matthews
Cell: 864.386.9138
Matt@FirstPres.Church
A Guide to Engaging in Respectful Conversations about Differences
Few issues in our society are as sharply polarizing as racism and immigration. Many Americans have strong, emotional reactions at even the mention of the topics. Many Christians would rather avoid sparking a divisive argument.
But these topics are much more than political issues: they’re biblical issue with significant missional ramifications for the U.S. Church. If Christ-followers do not engage in mutually respectful dialogue – especially with those with whom we disagree – the discourse within the Church will simply mirror the divided state of our society as a whole, devoid of biblical wisdom. As Christians reason together, with the help of the Scriptures and of the Holy Spirit, we believe that more common ground is possible than many might initially presume. Here are some thoughts:
- Begin Prayerfully
Before engaging in any potentially contentious discussion, it is wise to begin with prayer. The psalmist David gives us language to invite God to examine our hearts:
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139: 23-24)
Scripture instructs us to tell our truth to our neighbor while not allowing anger
to lead us to a sinful dialogue (Ephesians 4:25-26).
- Carefully Choose With Whom to Engage and When
You should not feel responsible to engage in difficult conversation with everyone you come across. Before you engage consider the following:
- What is your relationship with the other?
- Will the other respect your perspective and be authentic with you?
- Have the conversation in person.
- Be sure your reason to engage is genuinely to understand and be understood and not to make a point. Are you willing to learn?
- Are you in the right emotional state to engage? Are you willing to engage this person in the long term; in multiple discussions?
- Sometimes the best decision is to engage later, when the environment is more conducive to listening.
- Don’t Try to “Win”
Rather than “winning” the conversation, your goal should be to understand the other person’s perspective and for them to understand yours. It is far more important to engage with love, empathy and respect than to get the other person “on your side” at the end of one conversation. As followers of Jesus, we put our trust in the Holy Spirit to change people’s hearts and minds, which often happens outside of our ideal timeframe!
- Listen with Empathy
Control emotional responses and focus on genuinely understanding the life factors that have shaped the other’s perspective. Show respect to everyone (1 Peter 17). Listen longer than seems comfortable. Use affirmative statements. “Tell me more about that.” “How does that make you feel?” “Why do you think you feel that way?”
- Ask Questions with Kindness
Rather than responding with your own opinion, try to ask questions that further explore the other person’s understanding and experience. Take care to use a curious and calm tone that communicates your authentic desire to learn more.
“Have you ever been in a circumstance where you felt out of place?”
“What factors do you think most influence your perspective? -your personal experience with people of color, the media? the Bible?”
“How do you think you might respond if you faced the circumstances that many people of color face?
“Can you tell me about someone you know who has faced unfair treatment based on skin color?
- Emphasize Commonalities
We should prioritize finding common values with our conversation partner as a foundation for dialogue.
“I know we share many of the same values.”
“You are a very compassionate person.”
“I know you are a good person.”
“We both grew up in the 50’s.”
“ We both are committed to Christ.”
Encourage others to recognize commonalities with ”the other”. I understand that 99% of our DNA is the same. They are, first and foremost, people, made in God’s image, imperfect like the rest of humanity but motivated by the same values that guide you and me.
- Share Your Own Story and Experience
What led you to feel the way you do?
- Go Back to the Bible
Presuming you’re engaged in discussion with someone who shares your Christian faith, talk about God’s creation, love, hospitality and inclusivity.
Adapted from Evangelical Immigration Table. www.
